Blood From A Stone
by Adarian
Summary: Midquel to "Submission": Warden-Commander Tabris finds herself in the middle of an Elven revolution in Denerim. She tries to protect the diminishing rights of her people while coming to understand the horrifying nature of the taint.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

I stayed three weeks at the castle before I could leave. There were meetings and celebrations. All the people of Denerim wanted to see me, to say that they knew the Hero of Ferelden. Alistair did not want me to leave him there. I did not trust Arl Eamon, I never had, and I feared leaving him to the man's council.

But I was so tired. I could not deal with them anymore. I was tired of doing tricks for their politics; tired of everyone ignoring what was right before them.

I knew Sten was gone, left back to Seheron and then onwards to report to the Arishok. I thought of his hands upon me, his lips against mine. Each night I dreamt of him and each morning I woke alone. I didn't know if he loved me. Maybe he didn't know either. But did it matter? What were we against all we stood for?

Perhaps it was a good thing they distracted me so with their politics and meetings. It stopped me from chasing after him and making a fool of myself. What man would walk away from the Qun, from everything, for me? I could not ask it of him. I would let no man ask it of me.

On the fourth day, I woke to the smell of the purple irises, left thoughtfully by a servant who remembered me trying to find them in the markets. I held one in my fingers, pulling off a petal. I pressed it between the pages of the journal I had kept for so long, the purple staining over the words of the Chant of Light.

I could not stay any longer. I needed to go home.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

The Alienage was no better then when I had left it last. Wreckage was everywhere and the sick and dying lay in the street. I saw Shianni's form as I entered through the gates, flittering between those on the ground, giving out poultices and tonics where she could, her new elegant gown stained with blood and shit.

She looked up to see me and she smiled tiredly. I put my pack and arms down in the dirt and we embraced for a moment and I kissed her cheek.

"You look worn, cousin," she said affectionately.

"You're not looking fresh either," I teased.

"There is much work to do now," she said, gesturing, "I may have been made Bann, but that is a title without money or real power. Have you come to visit? To help?"

"I've come to stay, Shianni," I said softly, "I'm done fighting the humans' wars for them. I'm so tired. I just…I just want to be home. I feel like I could sleep for the rest of my life."

"Go home for now," she said, kindly, "Soris and your father are already there. Get some food and rest. I'll be there later tonight. Take care of yourself first, okay?"

She almost glowed there in the filth and mud. She had been given meaning again.

I nodded, picking up my gear and carrying them through the mud until I reached my father's house. It had mainly survived the riots and darkspawn, though I could see repairs were still needed. Soris was standing in the living room, feebly trying to rescrew the hinges back on a door.

He saw me and stopped. Neither of us could say a word.

"I know," he said gently.

"Me too."

I walked into the kitchen, seeing my father among his pots and pans, happily making stew and whistling to himself.

"Papa," I called out weakly and he spun around and held me in his arms like I was a little girl again. Without meaning to, I felt myself crying against his shirt, staining it as I buried my face into the cloth.

He rested his chin on the top of my head, holding me tightly to him.

"You have fought a great battle," he said, "You are sick and you need rest. There's no shame in taking rest and respite. Let me take care of you for a few days, and then you can go back to saving the world. All right?"

I nodded, sniffling.

"Go rest, I will get you when dinner is ready. Now go, you need sleep."

I walked into the bedroom I had shared with Shianni for so many years. I curled up in the bed, and pulled the blankets around me. The last time I had slept here, I was dreaming of my wedding day.

But that day, I dreamt of the Qunari who carried me from the dead ogre's side. I remembered his eyes on me as he treated me, how gentle he was taking off my armour and holding me up to drink the poultice. The strange word he called me. _Kadan_.

They told me I slept for nearly two days. It was night again when I woke and I stretched into the moonlight. I felt stronger, surrounded by those who loved me.

I wandered into the living space, the other three eating as Shianni told them of her plans for the next day. She was recruiting a healer for the area, someone to open a permanent clinic for those who were sick. Hopefully she would receive funding so the elves would pay only a small fee.

She had so many ideas, my young cousin, I admired her so.

My father brought me the bean porridge I had grown up eating and I ate it hungrily with the bread that had baked during the day.

We heard a knock at the door and my father went to answer it, taking off his apron as he reached the door.

Three castle guards stood before them and we could hear little of the conversation before my father was struck down.

I stood up, grabbing Fang from my leg and stood in front of my father while the other two ran to his side. I held the dagger out in front of the three of them.

"What business do you have here?" I hissed, "How dare you come to my home and threaten my family?"

"Isn't that the Hero of Ferelden?" The shortest of them asked, "Are you sure we have the right house? Maybe we should leave her alone."

"Shut up," the leader retorted, and looked back to me, "Bring us the Bann of and no one will be hurt. All we want is the elf bitch."

"That elf bitch is my cousin," I said, tightening my grip on Fang, "and you shall not have her. If you leave now, I won't kill you. I've slayed dragons. Three little boys in tin suits don't frighten me."

The three looked at each other in apprehension and I spit on the leader's feet.

"Get out of my house," I ordered and the three fled, their starved bodies rattling in their ill fitting armour as they ran.

I knelt by my father's side as he sat up. I held his back for support and he turned to look at the three of us around him.

His eyes rested on me as Soris brought him to his feet, bringing him to lie down on the couch while he went for a healer.

Shianni stood still in the living room, watching the door as I cleaned the cut on my father's face.

"Why can't they just leave us alone?" She said finally, "Why do they have to hate us so? All I do is try to get us a better life and soldiers threaten my family. Cousin…I don't understand."

"I don't either," I replied, "But I know these three did not come on their own. Someone hired them to kidnap you and they did not expect me to be here today. Sadly, now that you are Bann, it seems that you've gotten involved in human politics."

"You'll stay with me, right?" She asked, her hands shaking, "I don't feel safe here right now."

I patted my father's arm and went to my cousin's side. I held her as she shook and I whispered into her ear, "As long as you need. I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise."

The evening grew later as the other three, still shaken, readied for bed and slept. I arranged for a few local archers to guard the hut while I crept out into the star filled night.

I needed answers.


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Even after all this time, I still found security lax at the royal palace. I climbed the vine covered walls leading to the King's chambers, my blades tied to my back and my feet bare to grip the rocks.

I climbed over the open sill and found myself in an empty room. I was concerned. Alistair did not stay up late often and it would be unlikely for him to be called to a meeting at this point at night.

I took out Duncan's sword, the red blade I had carried for so long now, and held it out as I scanned the room.

The light of a candle reached the corner of my eye and I turned to see Arl Eamon, fully dressed in his regent attire, coming towards me from the living space attached to Alistair's bedroom.

"Warden-Commander," he greeted with an eyebrow raised, "I expected you. However, I did doubt slightly that you would enter through the gates so I decided to wait here for you."

"Where's Alistair?"

"The King has had to leave town on business," he informed me, gesturing me to follow him into the sitting room. The lounge was well lit with two elven servants waiting on either side of a table laden with tea and delicate sandwiches.

"You had time enough to prepare this but not time enough to fortify one of your Banns?" I sneered as I waved away a servant's offering, "If Shianni had been Bann of anywhere besides the Alienage, there would be no rest until this was solved."

"You're right," Eamon said, drinking from his own cup. He sent off the two servants and the two of us were alone in the room together.

"Who sent them?" I asked, bending forth in my chair, "They obviously were trying to scare her. If they wanted her dead, I would not have been able to stop them."

"Well, Warden," Eamon took a bite of a sandwich, "Not everyone was so thrilled to have an elven Bann. You must know something of the prejudice already in this country. If it did not exist, why, you might be the future queen now, am I right?"

I bristled slightly, "Get on with it."

"There has been dispute in the Landsmeet," Eamon explained, "Some feel that Alistair went over them to make the selection and that having an elven Bann diminishes their own status. Then there is the question of…well…Loghain's tactics. There are still supporters of his, you must know this. There were some who did not think his choice of…funding his campaign was entirely wrong."

"They are advocating slavery," I frowned, "They want to sell our own citizens?"

"Simply that the Alienages are bringing down the value of their own cities and land, that they are a breeding ground of crime and disease. Some think it is better to get rid of them entirely."

"And I don't imagine they want to give us our old land back?"

Eamon smiled, "Well, perhaps that would be too much to ask for, wouldn't it?"

"Cut the bullshit. Alistair is king and I'm out of the picture. You won. Now speak to me truthfully for once. I need to know how you really stand."

"Truthfully?" He asked, raising an eyebrow, "Do you really request that? In truth, I do not think the elves have any place in the nobility. I cannot imagine the chaos the mixing of those bloodlines would cause. You would have polluted the Theirin bloodline if you were to have had Alistair's child. I do not wish to sell your people into slavery. But I do think he was wrong to give the Denerim Alienage a Bann just because he felt guilty for sleeping with you outside marriage."

"And I think you are playing with a good man," I retorted, "You're using him as a mere puppet for your own interests. He will be a good king, the less involvement you have in his life."

"So the cards are played," he said, standing and turning to the window, "I do not know who threatened Bann Shianni, but I would start with the Arl of Denerim and investigate with the Banns nearby. You have made few friends here, Warden, you may have trouble with the answers you seek."

I stood up to leave, when he called out, "I would not rely too strongly on Alistair's attachment to you. He will soon realize as king that he can have any woman he wants. Elven quim is no more special that any noble woman's."

I did not look back as I climbed out of the window.

When I reached the Alienage, I thanked the archers on guard and slipped back into the house. I walked into the room I shared with Shianni as a child, my cousin shivering in her sleep. Her eyes opened as I lay another blanket on top of her and I smiled a little.

"Go back to bed," I said, "I'm here now."

I stayed by her bedside that evening, my blades across my back as I waited. She reached out to me in her sleep and I held her hand tightly until the dawn rose again.


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

I was not able to see the Arl of Denerim the next day, which turned out to be a blessing. I helped Shianni organize a volunteer militia to guard the Alienage at night. It was just a few archers and spearmen, but it was enough to make us feel safer. I was able to sleep that night, my body finally adjusting to life in the Alienage.

With Howe dead, the title of Arl of Denerim had been an issue of contention during the Civil War. Arl Williem Urien had been killed during the Blight and his son Vaughan…well I had killed him myself.

Once Zevran told me of the pleasure of killing another, of knowing their life was in your hands as you sunk your blade into them. There were only two deaths I ever took solace from: the Tevinter slaver who I killed before I even knew his name, and the man who raped and murdered my elven sisters. I knew in meeting with this new Arl, I could not even pretend I regretted killing off the previous heir to the title.

Yet when I approached the estate, I was greeted at the door by two servants who took me up into the study of the Arl. The place had been redecorated since I had been there, but here was still the place of so much suffering. I touched Nelaros' wedding ring on my finger. The Archdemon's blood had stained it somewhat, but still I rarely took it off my hand.

I waited in the study for a moment until the Arl walked in and offered his hand to shake. He was not a young man, perhaps in his early forties, with silver creeping in to his black hair. He had a warm smile and for a moment, I was at ease. He offered me a place to sit by the fire while he took the seat by the window.

"My wife will be joining us shortly, if that is all right. She is very interested in the state of the Alienage."

"Of course," I nodded.

"I know you wish to know who I am," he smiled, "I'd want to know my potential enemy as well. My name is Brilian Urien. I am Williem's younger brother…disgraced younger brother as you will probably hear. I was previously Bann of a small city in the Frostback Mountains, which now my eldest son is Bann of. The younger children, my wife, and I are new to the city. We have only been settled in now for a few days in truth."

"I am Warden-Commander Tabris," I returned the smile, "I appreciate you meeting me on such short notice, especially now that I see how busy you and your family are."

"Williem was not a kind man and I had no love for my nephew," Brilian assured, leaning forward in his chair, "I promised to rule Denerim as fairly as I can. This must be a safer place for our children…both human and elven."

There was a knock at the door and Williem smiled as he stood to open it. He greeted the woman with a kiss on the cheek. As he turned to bring her into the room, her face was revealed to me and a sly smile crossed my lips.

"This is my wife Avela," he introduced, holding the hand of the beautiful tattooed elf as they walked to the sette by the window together, "Darling, this is Warden-Commander Tabris."

Avela held her slender hand out to me, "It is good to see one of my sisters as head of the Grey Wardens. We are blessed indeed."

"Thank you for welcoming me into your home," I said kindly, still somewhat in shock, "I…I should not ask…I don't mean to pry…"

"No," Avela said, resting her hand on her husband's knee, "We have common goals together. And perhaps our stories are not so dissimilar, yes? I asked my husband to accept this audience with you. I have heard so many terrible stories of the Alienages, but I knew so little of city life before we were married. We had no Alienage in the North, it has been…a shock. I am Dalish, as you must have guessed by the markings, though they have faded so over the years."

"I met her in the forests outside Denerim while I was hunting," Brilian said, smiling at his wife as he placed his hand over hers, "It was love at first sight. Twenty-two years ago. Our eyes met. I felt like I couldn't breathe."

"You couldn't," she laughed, "You passed out."

"Aye, that I did," he smiled, "And when I came to, there you were. Making fun of the rich shem in the woods who could not even face a little Dalish woman. By the end of the evening, I knew I would spend my life with her."

"I left my clan," she said softly, "It was the hardest thing I ever did. But they have been kind to me, despite marrying a human. My keeper said Brilian had the soul of our people; the Creators had been cruel in putting him into a human body."

"My family was not so kind," he replied, "But I did not care. We married in secret and we moved up north to live with my uncle. When he died, I inherited his castle and arms. But even after our father's death, my brother refused to speak to me. He felt that I had…soiled our bloodline."

"That seems to be a popular opinion among the nobility," I said.

"And that is a problem," Brilian said, "My children are half elf. Some can pass more than others, but I want them to be able to live their lives proud of who they are. I want them to be able to inherit land and titles without question. I am not elf, but I have seen what my wife has gone through. I see what her people go through. I want to help you. We both do."

"Thank you for telling me your tale," I replied, "It is good to know there are allies in the city. Bann Shianni will need your help, I will need your help."

Avela looked to her husband briefly and then said to me quietly, "There are four Banns in the immediate area, mainly in the settlements just to the south and east. The Bann of East Meadows recently put a motion forward for a tax for those living in Alienages. I heard he is calling for those who cannot pay to be put into indentured servitude. Your cousin of course has been the primary force against such an act. And while the King is unlikely to agree immediately to such a proposal, his regent can make that decision for him if the King gives him permission to do so."

"How is this being received in the Landsmeet?"

"Sadly," Brilian replied, "There is already some support. Many believe the Alienages are beyond repair and it would be a good way to decrease crime in the cities. You are a model citizen, but you are being used as the exception that proves the rule. Even you are the killer of my nephew. That has not escaped public notice."

"So what should I do?"

"Protect Shianni," Avela said, "If she has evidence to document what happened under our predecessor's rule, we can call instead for reparations for those living in the Alienages and try to divert some of that tax money there. There's only so much we can do, since we are still unwelcomed at court. But I have heard much of you, Warden-Commander. I have faith in you. May the Creators watch over you."

I stood and bowed my head. I turned to leave when I heard her say, "A word, if you please."

Avela stood and motioned for her husband to leave the room. When we were alone, she took her hands into my own.

"I must ask you a question," she said quietly, "Woman to woman, sister to sister. You were with the King before his coronation, were you not?"

I nodded.

"Are you carrying his child?"

"It is nearly impossible for Grey Wardens to have a child," I replied, "Never mind together. Is this some political tactic?"

She frowned and replied, "I merely wished to offer support. When I carried my first, I was…terrified. It is not an easy world to bring a child into. I know what it means to be with a human man, particularly a noble one. I wish you no unwanted children. I just merely wanted to help."

"I'm sorry, sister," I replied, "I am not used to being…cared about by nobility…my moon cycle ended just after the Landsmeet. I carry no child by him."

She sighed, "I am glad to hear that. You must want to get back to your family. Please, be safe. Keep my sister Bann alive tonight."

I held her hand for a moment and walked through the door. I was escorted down the stairs and upon reaching the entrance, there was a messenger banging on the door. A servant let him in and he ran to my side, gasping for air as he leaned beside me. I held him as I helped him to the floor. A little elf boy, no more than ten years old.

He whispered into my ear as he slipped out my hands, "The Alienage is on fire."


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

I ran through the streets on Denerim, pushing back those who had come out of their homes to watch the smoke rise through the city air. When I reached the Alienage, the gates had been closed to contain the fire. I climbed the gate, pushing away the guard who tried to stop me.

I went through the smoke and ash, looking for my family. Near the great tree, the people were out of their homes, panicking as they tried to flee their burning wreckages.

I saw Shianni yelling instructions as they tried to fight the fire with the little water from the wells. Soris was nearby, holding my father upright as he coughed. I ran to my father's side, picking up his body in my arms.

"Papa," I said softly, "Have you been hurt?"

"Just a few scrapes," he smiled, "My little girl. You always manage to save me, don't you?"

"A beam fell on his ribs," Soris whispered, "He's got some bleeding inside him. I don't know how I'm going to stop it."

"We need to get out of here," I said, determined, "If I can get in, we can get out. Soris, stay with Papa."

I ran to Shianni and grabbed her arm, "I need your aim. You need to keep the guards off me while I pick through the lock."

She grabbed the bow off her shoulder, "On it."

She found a perch high up one of the smouldering homes, covering her mouth with a strip from her dress. I could barely see her through the smoke as I ran towards the gates, but I heard the arrows fly past me to protect my way.

I made it to the gates and started picking through the locks, slowly being able to open the gate more and more until it was open while Shianni's arrows struck down those who tried to stop me.

I ran back into the crowd as my people started fleeing into the city streets. I picked up my father and carried him over my shoulder as Shianni, Soris, and I started running from the Alienage. The fire started to spread slightly but efforts increased as the marketplace was threatened.

"We need out of here," Shianni shouted over the smoke, "We need to find a healer and a place to hide."

An odd thought popped into my head and I smiled, "I think I know a place."

The Pearl was busy with those who had been fleeing the fire. Our faces covered with soot and ash, we blended in with any other fleeing the Alienage. A madame came by us and told us to stand in line to receive treatment.

Soris stood in line with my father as Shianni and I drank in the corner.

"How did this happen?" I asked.

"It started in one of the warehouses, I don't know beyond that. I'll tell you what though, it did not take long for them to decide to lock us in."

"Why didn't you tell me about the Bann of East Meadows?"

"Loren?" She chuckled, "His ridiculous motion? Perhaps he has some merit to it now. Who knows? He could have hired someone to kidnap me, could have hired someone to set fire to the Alienage. It doesn't matter. No one would agree to this, especially not your kingly ex-boyfriend. Sleeping with the Virgin has to count for something, doesn't it?"

"Arl Eamon is regent now," I replied, "I don't know where Alistair is. This could go through under his reign. And maybe it won't affect many of us at first…but if our homes are gone and we have to repay the landlords back…"

"We need to prove what is happening," Shianni said, "But for now, thank the Maker all four of us got of there safe. I will call for an audience with Eamon tomorrow. The King has to return to deal with this. I can't imagine there's business elsewhere that's more important than this."

My father returned to us, the colour back in his cheeks. I could see Soris at the bar, grabbing two drinks for them both.

"Very nice young man back there," he said smiling, "Skinny as a rail though. You think they would feed the…workers here better. Imagine. A mage and a prostitute. I imagine life isn't easy for someone like that."

"I'm glad you're safe, Papa," I said, stroking his cheek lovingly, "Tell me later who the fellow was and I'll make sure he gets properly paid for all this hard work."

We stayed there for a few hours until the fire was extinguished. We returned home, our house barely standing after being gutted by flame. My father tried to find a few things buried in the ground, but there was very few of our things left.

"It could be worse," Soris said as we stood in the wreckage of our childhood home, "We've been through worse things than this."

I looked around at our people, crying in the ashes for those lost, orphan children in the streets wandering lost.

"Things were supposed to get better," Shianni murmured, "I…I should have stopped this. They're my responsibility."

"This isn't your fault," I said quietly, holding her hand, "We're going to deal with this. I will not let another elf be harmed in this city. They will never touch another one of us. No man will own me."


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Shianni called for a meeting the next day. I came to represent the Grey Wardens as well as to protect her. The workers at the Pearl had given us clothing for the day since we had very little left after the fire. Shianni barely slept that night, working hours to help children find their families and set up places for families to sleep in protection. The volunteer militia had grown stronger and even humans and dwarves came to assist us.

We were in the Grand Hall of the Royal Palace, nodding to the nobles as I grasped my cousin's hand. Shianni was pale, worn from the night's events and scared to be among those who might wish her harm.

Arl Brilian came to our side, taking Shianni on his arm.

"My dear Bann," he said kindly, "I am sorry for what has happened to your kin. I will send some of my own men to protect the Alienage during the rebuild. If there is anything you need of me, you have only to let me know."

Shianni moved her lips to speak but the trumpets sounded and we took our places at the sides of the room. Eamon and Alistair entered the room, escorted to the throne by three of his soldiers.

His eyes refused to meet mine as he passed, but I would not look away.

As Alistair was seated, Shianni walked to the front of the room, bowing before the king.

"Your highness," she said respectively, "I am sorry to call you back from your business elsewhere, but there has been disaster in the Alienage. I believe the Alienage was victim to arson. As Bann, I believe I am subject to the same rights as my fellows. I request reparations and an army to protect my people within the city. We have had too many…unpleasant encounters with the city guard that my people no longer trust these men and wish to have trained soldiers of our own kind."

"I am disturbed by these claims," Alistair replied, "As well as your testimony before of those who have threatened you and your family in your home. What has your cousin, the Warden-Commander say? Clearly if this has taken her from her duties, it must be serious indeed."

"My duty is to my people," I replied, "All the people of Ferelden. Your Bann fears for her life and you accuse me of being irresponsible?"

"That is enough," Eamon interjected, "We have had much talk of the Alienage as of late. There needs to be a more permanent solution, your highness, than you simply throwing money into this…ghetto in our capitol city."

Shianni replied, "And do you think Bann Jehn's solution is the best? Sell those who are impoverished into slavery and take their land?"

Alistair stood up, "I will not have this bickering in my court. Arl Eamon, Bann Shianni, I will see you in my study. Court is dismissed."

Shianni and Eamon walked off with the king, bickering behind his back.

Brilian came to my side, patting me on the shoulder, "This seems to be a matter that will be solved behind closed doors…child, are you well?"

I felt my forehead and felt myself growing cold and clammy.

"I must be under the weather," I said, "It has been a trying few days. If you will excuse me, I think I will go back to the camp."

"Nonsense," he shook his head, "I already sent word. You and your family are to stay at the estate with us. I normally would take in more of your people, but we need to keep your kin safe while this is solved and the less people I have to guard, the easier that will be. I will be here longer to wait for the king. I suggest you get back to my home and my servants will take care of you."

I nodded in appreciation and thanked him. I refused escort and took a side road through the city on my way back to the north of the city.

I felt a fever climb into my cheeks and neck and I began to sweat. I went closer to a city hub where I knew there was a public well. I stood there for a while, washing my flushed face until I started to feel my knees buckling.

I remembered the healer at the Pearl and tried to walk there, as it would not be much further away. I was merely feet from its doorstep when I felt my legs give in and I fell to the ground. I vaguely could hear commotion around me and felt myself be carried into the place, the giggling and laughter and moans reaching my ears.

When I opened my eyes again, a blonde human man was at my side, adjusting a cold compress upon my forehead. He smiled at me and said, "Go get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up, all right?"

I nodded and let my eyes close again.

I slept only an hour or so I was told when I woke again. The man was busy mixing a concoction for me to drink and came back to my side when it was ready.

I drank it down in a gulp, shuddering as I handed the glass back to him.

"I wanted to thank you for helping us all yesterday," I said, "But it seems that you have now had a second day of taking care of my kind."

"It is no trouble," he replied, "It's not often I have a Grey Warden pass out on the front door of a whorehouse. Especially such a pretty one."

"My name is Kaillian Tabris," I said, "What may I call you?"

"Anders," he replied, shaking my hand, "I would say congratulations, but perhaps that might be mean spirited," he said with a smile, returning the glass to the side table.

"On defeating the Archdemon and all that nonsense?" I replied, "I'm rather tired of that by now, you're right."

"No, I mean…" he frowned, "Do you not know?"

"Know what?"

"Kaillian," he said, sitting down on the bed beside me, "You're pregnant."

My heart started racing and I began to protest, "No. No. I'm a Grey Warden. We don't. The taint. It couldn't. No. No. No."

"It's okay," he reassured, touching my shoulder lightly, "I can end this for you, this can be over if you want it to be. It's your choice."

"How far along am I?" I asked, my mind speeding ahead of its self.

"A few weeks," he replied, "You're just getting at the point that your body is beginning to react to the changes. Some women get sick. It's not that big of a deal."

I tried to do the math in my head, thinking of my moon cycles. It could only be one of two men's child. And if it was the latter…

"Can you tell me who the father is?"

"I guess the Blight was more exciting than I thought," Anders laughed, "I might be able to tell if the father is human or elf if that's what you want to know. Oh no judgment. I grew up in the Circle. Everyone was with everyone. Sometimes at the same time."

"Actually…" I said, my cheeks blushing, "The father…well…its one of two. The one is an elf. The other…isn't."

"Will this affect your decision whether or not to keep the child?" Anders asked, eyebrows raised.

"I just want to know," I said, trying to sound confident.

"I have a simple urine test," Anders said, "It will tell you basically if the father is of the same race as you. Your body will create one type of hormone if he's elf, another if he's human, so on. I'll get you a cup and you can…take care of it while I prepare the herbs I need."

I tried to relax as I waited. I tried to tell myself that it did not matter. I would have the child, particularly since I did not think I ever could have one. This was a blessing. Most likely it was Zevran's. A little elven boy or girl that would be welcomed among our people, loved by my family. I would write to him in Antiva, maybe he would even come to see his child born.

But a portion of my mind could not focus on that happiness and fretted. If it were the other possibility…I had no idea what that would mean for the child and I.

Anders came back, a sly smile on his face, "Turns out the father isn't an elf. I've never seen that particular reaction, but who knows, perhaps it's the taint. Does this mean His Highness should start picking out names for the next bastard heir?"

I tried to stand, my legs weak and Anders helped me to my feet.

"Is it really that horrible?" he asked, somewhat gentler, "He'd take care of you and the child. Unless you don't want to go through with this."

My mind raced through the possibilities. It was impossible. One night, one act. But I thought of Sten. I thought of his heart against mine. There was a piece of him growing inside of me. A little boy or girl, maybe with his eyes. Tears welled up in my eyes and the mage held me for a moment. Despite myself, a smile crept upon my face.

"Thank you," I said softly, "I mean it. Thank you. I…I have to go but…I…thank you."

I rushed out of the Pearl to the Arl of Denerim's Estate, running almost joyfully through the streets. It was ridiculous. I should have thought of the consequences. But despite all odds, I was pregnant with child of the man I loved. It was a happiness I never thought I would have. I did not care what it meant, the troubles. I did not care if I had to leave all and hide in the forests. I was going to have this child, nothing else mattered to me.

But I should have cared then about why I was so ill.

I went to the Estate to find my family eating with the servants in the kitchen, my father teaching a young elven boy a ditty he sang to me when I was little.

Shianni stood and came to my side, cursing, "The nerve of that Eamon. I should tell you the bullshit he tries to get away with. I tell you, Soris would make a better regent than him."

"And when you're Queen, you can pick him," I said with a grin, "Can we talk a little bit later? I need to talk to my father…alone, for a bit."

The others moved their meal to the dining area, leaving my father alone in the kitchens with me.

"What is it, bey?" He asked, patting the chair beside him, "You look terrified. Come, you can tell your old man anything, you know it."

"Papa," I said, my heart in my throat, "There's something I have to tell you. I don't know how you're going to feel about it...Papa…I'm pregnant."

He frowned slightly, "That naïve young king of ours isn't the father, is he?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I rolled my eyes with a sigh, "No."

He breathed a sigh of relief, "Then quite frankly, I am happy. There is enough going on without that added headache. So who is the father? Will I get to meet him? Will there be a wedding soon? I know it is not long since Nelaros, but you never know how much time you have. I think we have both learned how precious it is."

"Papa," I said softly, "The father…he can't be around. Even if he knew…he can't. The best thing I can do is raise the child on my own. You raised me by yourself, Shianni and Soris too, you must understand."

"It's the Qunari's, isn't it?"

I stopped breathing for a moment and turned to my father, "How…how…."

"When you came to my house that day, when you rescued me from the slavers, you came with him and a few others. When you were all leaving, I pulled him to the side," he said gently, taking my hand in his, "I told him he was what you needed. I saw how much he loved you. I knew then, just the first time I saw him look at you, that this man was the other half of you."

"What did you say to him?"

"I told him to protect you. He swore to do so if it cost him his life. I hoped…well, it is too much to hope for, wasn't it? You two are the same. You put duty first, your own heart second."

He put his arm around me and I lay my head against his chest, "Bey, bey. You will not be alone in this. If you want this, then I want this. I will love your baby as my grandchild and I will help you every step of the way. I promise."

"Thank you," I murmured, tears running down my cheek.

"I'm going to be a grandfather," he said with a slight chuckle, "I am a lucky man indeed. We should call for a toast. Let us celebrate. We should do it the old ways, not tell anyone outside the family until the first three cycles, yes? It is probably best with all that is happening."

Both Shianni and Soris were happy for me. My father and I agreed not to tell who the father was. I was not ready for others to know, even them.

That night, I lay in bed, alone in a guestroom of the Estate. My mind wandered, imagining contacting Sten. I wondered what he would say. My fingers stroked my flat abdomen. I would not be able to hide the pregnancy forever.

I dreamt that night of him beside me, his hand protecting my belly while the other wrapped around me. I remembered his smell, the taste of his skin.

I did not think I would miss him even more than then.


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

The days passed as Shianni and Eamon argued while Alistair stalled. The Alienage was still ruined and the militia grew weary of ending fights between even our own kind. There were murmurings of an army brewing in the Alienages across the country. The word rebellion was on lips of the young and the energy grew tense between the elves and the humans in the city. The riots of the Blight were not far enough behind and so little had been done after the fire. The taxes imposed on them were refused, and the elves fought back when enforcement tried to take its coin.

It was the beginning of Alistair's third month as king when I was called forth to the Royal Palace. I had been ill for the past two weeks, but otherwise I had kept busy in the militia and in helping clear the Alienage of ruin. Many still lived in the refugee camps, but more permanent settlements were springing up wherever there was space. This still did not help the tension.

I had dressed in loose clothing for this meeting. While my abdomen was only beginning to show because I was so small, I did not want to risk it. A misunderstanding of who the father of the child was could lead to more trouble in the city.

Alistair greeted me with a kiss on the cheek as I entered the study. His first grey hair was showing at his temple. These revolts had not been easy on his mind.

He sat across from me, sitting near the fire. It had been growing colder now that the summer was truly over. I appreciated the heat of the flames on my ungloved hands.

"This needs to end," he said, rubbing his hand on his forehead, "I can't have another meeting about the Elf problem. Not when the Orleasians will arrive soon to help you in the North. There have been more fights, more riots. The city guard can't keep up. But if I give Shianni her wishes, then it seems I am appeasing…well, you."

"Once you're married, they'll stop pointing to me as an excuse for everything."

He chuckled somewhat darkly, "You're always so practical, Kaillian. I couldn't move on just as quickly as you. I did love you. Sometimes I think I still love you. But that doesn't matter anymore, does it? Eamon is arranging something with the surviving Cousland girl. I hear she's pretty, but what does that matter?"

"I only meant that the lords and ladies will get over it if you actually help us," I said, "Is it really so hard to treat a Bann as the same as the others?"

"They think I made a mistake. Maybe they're right. Maybe it wasn't the best way to help. I just…I don't know how to fix this. The city is growing more violent everyday. I worry about you. Maybe you don't believe that, but I do."

"I do," I said softly, moving to the other sette to sit beside him, "And I know you're trying your best. What is your instinct?"

"I should give reparations and have an estate built for Shianni," he said, "And a section of the city guard that is elven."

"Why don't you do that?"

"It's too late now. Anything I do will be felt as pandering to either side. Eamon thinks…well…Eamon thinks we should raise taxes among the elves to pay for rebuilding the Alienage, though it does seem its unlikely to be paid anyways. There is no proof of arson, but he thinks…well, many of the lords and ladies now think that the elves did it for attention, to try to play a political game. I know it isn't true. But it is hard to convince them otherwise when I seem so biased."

"Maker," I swore at him, "If this was about the dwarves in this city, no one question their rights. But because you slept with an elf you can never help my people? Stop being so biased and maybe you'll actually get something done."

He took my face in his hands and kissed me hard. I kissed back, wrapping my arms around his neck.

We pulled away from each other, as he panted slightly.

"You need to marry the Cousland girl," I said softly, "And you need to stop listening so much to what they think of you. You are a good king. They're not letting you be the king you could be."

"I kiss you and you tell me to marry someone else," he grinned impishly, "Have I become such a bad kisser after months without practice?"

I smiled and stroked his cheek, "No. But the situation hasn't changed, Alistair. We both know that. And I want you to be happy. I really do. So be happy."

He paused and said, "Do you really think we can be happy without each other?"

"I do," I said softly, "I told you once before. One day, this will hurt less. You will love again. I promise you. Maybe you'll love the Cousland. I hope you do."

"You don't love me anymore, do you?" He asked, a sad smile crossing his face.

I did, but it was hard to explain. I cared for him. He still had part of my heart. But I would never love a man as I loved Sten. He was in my blood, his body part of mine. Perhaps I was a hypocrite for telling Alistair that love could be forgotten, for I knew from the moment I left Sten's side that I would never stop loving him.

I did not have time to answer as the glass behind us shattered and Alistair pushed me to the floor, covering me with his body. I smelt a chemical in the air and recognized the make of the bomb. I covered my mouth with my hand as it exploded, filling the room with a thick green gas.

Alistair coughed as the smoke spread and I grabbed his hand as I led him out of the room and to the guards running into the scene.

A healer was immediately sent, looking over both the king and I. Eamon was soon there, lecturing Alistair on allowing himself to be unsupervised as the riots spread throughout the city.

We both sat on chairs in the hall as the healer flitted back and forth between us. The healer paused over my belly as his hands looked for damage. He looked up and I shook my head. He nodded and continued.

Eamon stood in front of Alistair, continuing to address him. I heard very little until his conclusion: "We need to eliminate the Alienage."

"What?" I protested, standing up, "You want to silence those who ask for help? There is one splinter group, punish them if you have to. But these are citizens, people who pay your taxes even though they should be reimbursed. You cannot suggest genocide as an option."

"I suggest merely that they be moved," Eamon said, his eyes meeting mine darkly, "Your liberation army has been causing chaos throughout the city. If the elves cannot behave within the city, they should be ejected from the city."

"Where would they go?" I asked, "Do you know any Bann or Arl who would be willing take over a thousand impoverished elves into their land? It is growing near winter, my people will starve to death."

Alistair stood up, "This is enough. Eamon, summon Bann Shianni. I have things to discuss with her. Organize for the Warden-Commander be brought back to the Arl of Denerim's Estate. She is still not well from the attack."

It was true I still felt ill as I returned to the castle. My father was in our suite of rooms, happily knitting a large green and white blanket in the common area.

"Are you well?" He asked, standing and putting his craft down, "You look so pale, child."

"It's nothing," I promised, sitting down on the couch, "I'm just tired. Your technique has improved a lot since I was little."

My father smiled, "I've had much time to practice. For my granddaughter, I will learn to make less lumpy baby clothing. Though I do not know how quickly she will grow, so for now, beddings."

"Granddaughter?" I asked with a smile, "You think it's a girl?"

"Oh, I have seen her," He replied, "She will have the bronze skin and violet eyes of her father and your long dark hair. Long pointed ears. Tall, but slender. She will be beautiful."

A wave of nausea hit me and I felt myself grabbing instinctively at my belly.

"Bey," my father said, coming to kneel beside me, "You are ill. Go lie down, I will send for a healer. Go get some rest."

My father let me lean on him as I walked to the bed, my body shaking. I could feel a fever encroaching in my cheeks. I didn't protest as he tucked me into the bed before running down the hallway.

The cramping began, deep down in my belly.

Then I knew.

I reached down with my fingers, scared and trembling. I could feel the blood before I could see it. My heart started racing. I wanted to fight, I wanted to save my daughter. Our daughter. But I feared if I moved, I might make it worse. So I laid perfectly still, praying to a Maker I barely believed in to let me keep the child.

When the healer arrived with my father, I had not moved more than to breath. I resisted as the healer tried to move me on my back to examine me. But by then, I knew it was too late.

I did not cry as he told me, nor as the servants took away the blood stained sheets, nor as I was given medicines to drink, or as I was put back to bed.

My heart could not stop racing as I laid there and as I dreamt, I dreamt I was being chased through the jungles, covered in blood, running and running with no chance of being saved.

I woke in the middle of the night, sobbing, and aching for him to hold me once more.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

I woke, hearing Sten's voice in my mind, whispering to me to rise. I stood up, my legs still stained and sticky with my blood. It was still early, but I could hear the household moving about as if in a great hurry.

I lit a candle to see better when my father came into the room.

"Can you walk?" He asked, seeing my nightgown stained with blood.

I nodded as he came to my side.

"Grab what you can't live without," he said, "We need to get out of here as soon as we can. I'm told we only have a few hours left."

"Until what?" I asked.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, "You were so sick and I didn't want to wake you until we had to go. There was an order from the King last night. All elves are to be expelled from Denerim. Shianni has become Bann of Gorem and it has been ordered that all the Denerim elves are to accompany her into the South. Any elf allowed to remain in the city must have the proper identification and be sponsored…it's a great mess, sweetheart. You and Shianni did the best you could. We have land at least. We should be grateful for that at least."

"I need to talk to Alistair," I said, stumbling forth, "Let me just grab my gear."

"You need to be looked over," he replied, "The healer warned me that not everything might have…expelled properly. Will you go see one first?"

"Okay," I said, my legs shaking as I sat back down, "When do we need to be out of the city?"

"Noon I'm told. Its not even daybreak yet. You still have some time. We have little to bring with us anymore. I will go and buy supplies for the journey. The former Arl is coming with us, but I want to contribute a little."

"Former?"

"He renounced his title. He could not stay in a city where his wife was not allowed. They still have their property in the Mountains. They are traveling with us for awhile until our paths must separate."

"Who is the new Arl of Denerim then?"

"I don't know," he frowned, "I didn't recognize the name. I'm sorry, bey."

"I'm sorry, you have a lot to do, I shouldn't be pestering you. Just one request? That healer at the Pearl, can you have someone send him here? I'd rather see him than the man from last night."

"Of course," he replied, kissing me on the forehead, "Rest, child."

It was not long before Anders arrived, looking around curiously at the surroundings of the room, poking at a figurine on the windowsill.

"Hi," I croaked out sleepily and he turned with a sympathetic smile.

"Hi Warden," he said, sitting down beside me to examine me, "…I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said softly, "We…we don't always get what we want. I want you to tell me what happened."

"I actually researched it," Anders admitted as his hands gently brushed my skin, "It seems the taint effects men and women differently. Men tend not to sire because the sperm is created always after the taint. It corrupts it, makes it less likely to impregnate…but…I'm only telling you this so you know, so this doesn't happen to you again."

"Tell me," I said.

"Your ovaries, the eggs, they were there before the taint, they haven't been effected. But your blood. Once the egg implants, it is fed by that tainted blood. Eventually, your body will reject the embryo to protect itself. You can get pregnant. Just as easily as any other women. But you will certainly miscarry. Every time."

"How do you know about this? I thought the taint was a secret."

"You know what they say. There are no secrets in whorehouses."

"So," I said as my heart choked my throat, "This will happen again? And again? I can't have a baby, but I have to go through this again and again?"

"There's things you can do, there's methods I help the women at the Pearl with, even at the Tower with. This will never happen to you again, I promise."

"Thank you," I said and he squeezed my hand, "If there's anything I can ever do for you…you let me know."

With Anders gone and my body healed of the miscarriage, I dressed in my armour, tying Fang and the Sword of Duncan across my back. I paused by the book of songs of the Chantry. I held it up, opening to the page where the creased petal of the iris fell into my hand.

I would never see Sten again. This was the end of that dream.

I put the petal on the pillow and I walked away.

I saw the elves in the streets, forming caravans as they went South. Some of the volunteer militia walked with them. The humans and dwarves who had married into elven families willingly left their homes to follow their spouses into the untamed prairie land of the South.

I saw my father and Soris packing bags onto a mule. Soris ran to my side. We had said so little to each other in that time, I did not know what to say then.

He held me tightly and whispered, "I love you, cousin. It wasn't your fault."

"I love you too," I said softly as we let go of each other.

My father patted me on the shoulder, "Go talk to the King then. We will be waiting here for you. It is a long journey South. Shianni has already left with a few of the militia, so don't worry about her. Take care of what you need to and we'll see you soon, bey."

"You're taking this awfully well," I commented.

"Darling," he said gently, "The humans already took my wife from me, but despite everything, they could not take you. So let them take my house and goods. My daughter is alive and beside me. Nothing else matters."

I held him, "I love you, Papa."

"And I you, my little girl," he said, "I'm…I don't know how to say how sorry I am for what has happened to you. But you are strong, you will get through this."

I pulled away, looking at my family amongst the sea of elves leaving the city.

"I know."

My distinctive armour gave me away as Warden-Commander, allowing me to pass through guards who were herding my people out of the city.

I demanded to see Alistair as I arrived at the Palace. Eamon came down to me, trying to convince me to leave, but I merely pushed him away as I marched up the stairs, my helmet resting underneath my arm.

I met Alistair in the hallway on his way to meet me. He waved me into his study, locking the door behind us.

"How could you do this?" I shouted at him, "After weeks of not doing anything, this is what you do? Are you serious?"

He took a deep breath and said slowly, "Warden-Commander Tabris, I have reassigned you from Denerim to Vigil's Keep in Amaranthine. You are to report to the Orleasian Grey Wardens six days from now. I hope that gives you enough time to make the journey. Please go in my regard."

"Did Eamon make you memorize that speech?" I snapped, "This is bullshit and you know it. You asked me to stay, you asked me to help you. Then you just throw me away and listen to that…that asshole!"

"Eamon finished the negotiations. I am to wed Elissa in two weeks."

"Elissa now is it?" I smiled angrily, "I'm sure she'll give you many healthy sons."

"Kaillian," he said, trying to catch my arm, "This isn't how I wanted things. Please. I'm trying my best. There is land for your people, none of the rioters are to be executed. Even the liberation army is being given amnesty."

"So why are you sending me away?" I asked, "You asked me to stay. I thought…I thought we could at least be friends. Alistair, we're the only two left. And after everything we've been through…"

"It was the condition of the wedding contract," he said softly, "You…you can't stay here. You will be Arl of Amaranthine. It will be a good life. You will have adventures and rebuild the order. Your father will even be able to see you up there. Please, just please don't hate me."

My heart softened slightly and I reached out to touch his cheek, "I will never hate you. But…but…I will always hate this. I will hate how you dealt with this. Maybe one day I will stop being angry. But you need to stand up for yourself. You need to be a real king, Alistair. This wouldn't have happened if you just acted. You can't keep letting Eamon make your decisions. You need to just act."

He kissed me again, his teeth grazing my lower lip. I felt my armour being untied as he sucked on my neck, bruising the skin. I thought of the child with violet eyes that was never meant to be. I thought of the man I loved, the man I would never see again. I needed to stop loving him. To be Arl, to be Warden-Commander. I needed my loyalty to be to the Wardens and not the Qunari I would never see again.

But for just one more time, I wanted to feel loved.

I kissed his forehead as he moved down my frame, kissing my skin as he lifted the armour away. The blood had finally been cleaned from my skin. It was if it had never happened, just a dream.

He bent me over his desk, pressing my breasts into the dark wood. He kissed my legs as he took off my boots. I was vulnerable, naked before him, and I felt one hand trace over my skin as I heard his laces being undone.

He always asked before if I was sure, if I really wanted to.

He did not ask then.

He slammed into me up to the hilt, grunting as he did so. He bent his frame over me, pressing his chest into my back as he pummeled into me. He reached around and roughly rubbed my clit, growling in my ear as he rocked into me. He was going too fast for me, but I did not care. I just wanted to feel.

He pulled out of me and I moaned, begging him to come back. He flipped me over, my back on the desk and his cock angled just outside of me.

He motioned as if he would take off his shirt, but paused and instead brought me in his arms and lowered me onto him. I whimpered as I rode up and he thrusted into me as he held me in the air. He kissed my neck as I looked up at him.

He looked slightly distant and I pulled his face to mine.

"What do you really want?" I asked.

He moved me to the ground and mounted me from behind, circling circles around my clit as he moved within me.

He leaned forth to whisper in my ear, "I want to screw you."

I moaned out as he picked up the pace, stroking me faster. He arched back as he came, spilling his tainted seed inside me with one final spasm.

He withdrew, standing to put his pants back on as he left me on the floor. I stood up, trying to reorganize my armour to look presentable.

I felt emptier than before as he left the room without saying a word.

My escort was waiting down the hall, a servant told me. I was to leave immediately. Word would be sent to my family once they arrived in Gorem of where I was.

I asked for a moment alone to ready. I stood in the hallway by myself, hearing my people being sent forth out of the city.

I promised him I would never hate him, but in that moment, I did.

I thought of Sten walking beside me through Andraste's flames. He had made me brave, made me feel that he would stand before the Maker himself to protect me from all harm.

I knew I had to let go of him. He did not love me. He couldn't. Duty, duty was what ruled our lives from birth to death.

And my duty was to the Wardens. They had taken my love, my child, my family, my people. But to them my duty lay.

So I went to Amarathine.

I no longer looked back.


End file.
